Blog @ simpletofind.ca » psych http://blog.simpletofind.ca A place that is simple to find, but not really specific about anything... Sun, 29 May 2011 23:26:34 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Getting over one girl is not always as simple as getting under another http://blog.simpletofind.ca/2008/01/31/getting-over-one-girl-is-not-always-as-simple-as-getting-under-another/ http://blog.simpletofind.ca/2008/01/31/getting-over-one-girl-is-not-always-as-simple-as-getting-under-another/#comments Fri, 01 Feb 2008 03:20:49 +0000 daniel http://blog.simpletofind.ca/2008/01/31/getting-over-one-girl-is-not-always-as-simple-as-getting-under-another/ Today’s posting is going to focus on three specific relationship scenarios.  We got our couples who are just into each other, the couples who do not share the same craze and the couples who simply hate each other.  I am not going to focus on the couples who are just into each other (eg: freshly dating) or the ones who hate each other (eg: the married ones).

It seems to almost always go like this: person A really likes person B, but person B feels leeched on and pushes person A back.  Person A cannot have person B, without pushing away person B, losing person A, and thus completing the cycle of life.  Generally, if person A does back off this cycle usually reverses itself.  However, and generally, person A is never truly able to back off and we are still stuck on this ever winding downhill tumble.  An interesting sign of dependence can be seen when person B does not feel as loved when person A does not feel as strongly as they once did (see 1).  I will have to include a slight reference for my blog posting, as I cannot take 100% credit for some of these facts. 

Why am I blogging this?  It is this special scenario that always gets me going in circles: Person A really likes person B, person B does not want person A (eg: too clingy, possible fear of being hurt), yet person A keeps getting the attention of person C/D/et al.  Psychologically and physically, person A can definitely take on C+n, at the cost of person B now being desirous.  By this time, it is too late for person A to be with person B, as if person A did go back with person B, there is a high likelihood of person B taking the role of person A (see 2).

What goes on in my mind, and I always ask myself this time and time again, what should one do?  Move on with your life, go after what you believe is right until the very end (eg: it’s just too damn expensive emotionally/economically to keep up, they get married to your best friend or run off with your sister)?  Should one just move on at first opportunity and follow the path of getting over by getting under?  Or should you do your best to be there for them until you no longer feel that same way?  If you wait it out, improve yourself, become a better person; chances are, you may finally get what you want, but it would have already been too late…you’ve moved on.

1-      (Norman, McKenna, Heyman. (2000). Couples’ shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 273–284.)

2-      Korotayev, World Religions and Social Evolution of the Old World Oikumene Civilizations: A Cross-cultural Perspective, Lewiston, NY: E. Mellen Press. ISBN 0-7734-6310-0. 

 

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